Courtney Van Zuyen: Life, Art, & Blog

Untitled

2010-06-10T10:54:00.004-07:00

I'm not sure what to label this... Hell, I'm not even sure I want to be blogging, but I figure I need to write down a few things.

I tend to find myself increasingly down around new years and around my son's and my mother's birthdays. Both of which are in early June. It's been difficult not having someone so close to talk to. Whether it be bitching about random things or just being a bitch to each other. I miss my mom and I miss my family. Everything just isn't right anymore. My world feels empty and so do I. No, I'm not depressed... It's just that I'm missing a few things in my life that I wish never left.

2009-08-16T00:01:00.005-07:00

I can remember not wanting to be disturbed when I sleep. I still don't like being interrupted when I do try to sleep. However, it's a completely different story when I hear my son starting to fuss in the morning. It's like I immediately pop up and start my day by walking into his room only to see his cute toothless grin. He's happy to see me. Five more minutes of waiting to see me, I wouldn't be able to see that smile but instead he'd probably be crying; wanting to be fed. It's like I don't even mind being interrupted by my son in a dead sound sleep anymore. The moment I wake up, I can already see him smiling ear to ear in memory. The moment I walk in there, he's wiggling like a worm and smiling up a storm. I can't think of anything I'd want more and I couldn't ever change it for the world. Parenthood truly is amazing.

Lost In Thought

2009-08-09T17:17:00.004-07:00

I sometimes find myself thinking about my mother. She passed away earlier this year, January 1st, 2009. I remember hopping on to my last flight and my sister saying something like she's fallen. I completely misheard her. As I got off my flight in Fresno, CA my grandma and uncle greeted me at the gate with tears. I started crying. My grandmother told me the news and I completely missed out on the last seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, and the last 2 years of her life. I had been in Connecticut during that time. Things were a bit tough since moving yet we somehow managed to make ends meet. Ultimately, I feel like I failed. Like I could've visited her at least once while I was pregnant and the one time I finally was able to make it, she was gone. Slipped right through my hands.

I'm pretty sure if I had been closer to my mother, I would've had a harder time. Unfortunately, I wasn't very close to my mother.

All in all, while I am by no means happy she's gone, but I can admit that her passing has helped me in many ways. I have become stronger and I have became more patient for the things I cannot yet change.

It's amazing how it truly shakes your world up. It shows peoples true intentions.

Zackary Vincent

2009-06-17T02:02:00.003-07:00

Born June 4th, 2009 at 7 lbs 8 oz. and 20 inches long.

I had an OB appointment on the first of June with an ultrasound to check on Zack. Come to find out later during that appointment, my fluids were low for some unknown reason and they ended up sending me to the hospital to make sure Zack and I were okay. So I went back home to pick up Stephen and jetted off to the hospital. They entered the necessary information about me and so forth. Finally, the doctor came in and told me that I needed to rest and that I should consider being admitted so I do indeed rest to help increase my fluids. Well, I said no to being admitted and the doctor wanted me to come in the next day to check my fluids again. I was finally able to leave the hospital and continued doing my thing when I got home; packing for my upcoming move and so forth. Something I shouldn't have been doing but I knew my husband couldn't do it alone.

So I go in the next day, the 2nd of June, the very same day the packers come and are at the house to pack up all of our belongings. I am thinking to myself that it'll be a quick hour appointment. Boy, was I wrong. I ended up being admitted because my fluids were even lower. Yes, I know I was told to get some rest and I didn't. Oops!

First day of being admitted was more along the lines of bed rest. Second day they induced me. Third day they broke my water and continued to induce me. I dilated to 3 cm and couldn't dilate any further after 4 hours. Zack was still happy and healthy and I didn't want to consider a cesarean but it was my only viable option at that point. I got an epidural after hours of contractions as well as a tail bone that just wouldn't allow me to get comfortable.

When it finally came time for surgery, I was wheeled into a room that was EXTREMELY cold. I was freezing! I remember being prepped. Tons of surgical tarps. More drugs. Whatever they gave me at first, I puked from. Mostly bile, but I still managed to apologize to Stephen that he even had to see that. Took a matter of minutes to cut me open and scoop Zack out. As he was taken to the incubator, he was already pooping. I wasn't able to feed him that night mostly because I was still out of it. I found out later that day that I wasn't able to dilate because his head was angled wrong which wouldn't have allowed me to dilate. As much recovery time, pain, and blood it takes for a c section, I still feel it was all worth it. The little itty bitty miracle that was once living inside me is now a little person and is beyond precious. It's all so very surreal. I still can't believe I have a son. Babies are truly amazing.

2009-05-18T19:16:00.003-07:00

I haven't even had gestational diabetes for a month and I can't believe all the trash I make just from the supplies alone. :( I feel so un-green.

LOL @ Stephen. Just as I said "un-green," he shook his head and rolled his eyes.

Creative Afternoon

2009-05-13T12:43:00.000-07:00

Gosh, I love the blueish tinge to this. Time to print it out and add it to my scrapbook! :)

Gestational Diabetes & Non-Genetic Transmission

2009-05-13T06:13:00.000-07:00

About 33 weeks into my pregnancy I developed gestational diabetes. When I first heard the news from my doctor that my glucose tolerance test came back and my blood sugar was out of control, I was scared, distraught and worried that something was wrong with me. "WTF am I going to do?" was the only thing running through my head. The doctor told me that a diabetes center would contact me in a couple of days and set up the appointments I need. The very next day I received a call and had 3 different appointments almost immediately. I had an hour long appointment with a nurse about almost everything I needed to know about diabetes. I even received a blood sugar monitor along with 7 different prescriptions for all the diabetic supplies I needed to manage my blood sugar.

Next, I had an appointment to see a dietitian later that week. I hate to admit it but that appointment was unimportant as the nurse had already explained the diet prior along with me internet-surfing diabetic diets online. On the bright side, I was given a book that had every kind of food imaginable (including fast food) that counted calories, fat, and carbohydrates which has been extremely helpful to this day.

A couple days later when time came around to see the doctor, I had a physical and went over my background. I was given some very interesting information about diabetes and I'd say it definitely hit home. Apparently, there's been a bit of studies done on your own birth weight and what it causes later on in life depending on how long a mother breastfeeds their child. He went on to tell me that there's a HUGE link between your birth weight and risks later on in life which is also known as non-genetic transmission. Soon enough he was drawing a graph of what appears to look like an inverted 'J.' As he continued to explain the graph, he said that the ideal birthweight of a child is around 7 to 8 1/2 pounds and is less likely to have risks later on in life. If the birth weight is higher or lower than 7 to 8 1/2 lbs at birth, then the risks go up and can include obesity, diabetes and/or other metabolic syndromes. The doctor also explained that when it comes to breastfeeding, the risks of breast cancer lower by as much as 15% for every 12 months a child is breastfed and when a child is breastfed exclusively for 4 - 6 months, the risks of obesity, diabetes and other metabolic syndromes decrease. This is the part that hit home for me because I was born at about 5 lbs and a couple ounces and I know for a fact that I was breastfed but am unsure of how long. I currently have no great health problems other than obesity. While this information is extremely interesting, it also makes me worry about my husband's future health now. I'm almost positive his mother had gestational diabetes because he was born at about 10 lbs and his mother was unable to breastfeed him much as she kept coming down with strep. Luckily, I had already planned on breastfeeding if nothing prevents me from doing so such as strep. All this information is just so interesting and I hope this helps any expecting mothers who happen to come across this blog.

Presently, I'm now 36 weeks into my pregnancy and doing well with the diabetic diet and managing my blood sugar. My last ultrasound showed that my son is weighing in at 6 lbs 4 ounces and is right on target thanks to the doctors that caught the gestational diabetes on time.

Getting bigger and bigger...

2009-05-11T20:12:00.001-07:00

Zack is now estimated to weigh 6 lbs 4 oz from my last ultrasound. The ultrasound image partially shows his face and a hand coming in to cover his face. Every ultrasound I've received thus far, his hands are always near his face.

2009-05-10T13:11:00.000-07:00

Over the past few weeks, a lot has happened. Both good and bad. We are finally moving back to California, which I must say I am extremely happy for. Being nearly 3,000 miles apart from my family and friends has not been helpful. Now that I near the end of my pregnancy, I will finally be near my family and will be able to introduce Zachary Vincent to everybody at a couple days old.

Unfortunately, the bad news consists mostly from my last 2 months of pregnancy. I developed gestational diabetes between the 33- to 34-week mark. While I will admit my medical care has been phenomenal with the many people helping and informing me of the do's and don'ts, the diabetic diet that I have been ordered to stick to has not been fun. While I'm a mom-to-be, I can't even go out to eat and enjoy a simple dinner on this Mother's Day because I'm constantly worrying that I may be eating too many carbohydrates. So here I am constantly telling myself "One more month..." until I see those beady little eyes staring me in the face of a perfectly healthy itty bitty baby boy.

2009-04-20T12:43:00.001-07:00

Just testing this out... A complete newb here so bare with me. :P